I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
