Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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