sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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