we made out on top of his cat.
zippers are such a cool invention
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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