Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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