I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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