he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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