I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
