I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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