dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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