with your own penis?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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