Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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