Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Houston, we have a blender
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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