I can text with my tongue
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
