listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
