Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
