I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
