Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
