I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
