So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have tasted many bathrooms
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
