I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize