just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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