Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
