This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
