They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
