Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
