I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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