i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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