Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize