Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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