getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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