im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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