every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
