Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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