Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
