And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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