ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
