i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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