so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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