Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
