idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
