if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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