Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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