The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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