Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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