well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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