If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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