I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
