Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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