Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
