i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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