I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
