I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
