No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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