went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude i'm inner monologue high
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
