was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
