Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
