did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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